billy-pilgrims:

[writes paper] this doesnt make any sense [prints it] [doesn’t proofread] [hands it in for a grade]

(via lights-0f-my-hometown)

batreaux:

you walk over to the chamber of secrets and whisper “i have a crush on my cousin”. the basilisk comes over to you and says “you totally misinterpreted the use of this chamber and also you’re pretty fuckin gross”

(via lights-0f-my-hometown)

jail:

me when i found out that mike ‘the situation’ sorrentino from jersey shore is facing ten years in prison for tax evasion

image

(via lights-0f-my-hometown)

  • Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
  • Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
  • Me: Oh ok cool
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: This is a febreze commercial right
  • Kidnapper: Wut
  • Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh

alecwiens:

I have a bad habit of assuming I’ve annoyed people, and it usually ends up with me dropping communication and hoping they’ll be the ones to continue it.

(via hitlerhadapenis)